Our Deepest Fear

Take a moment and let this beautifully powerful quote sink in...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson

One of the plagues that cripples people today is that of low self esteem. Not too long ago I had a texting conversation with a young friend of mine - a little brother type friend - who is battling an extremely and dangerously amount of self esteem. He told me that quite frankly he hates himself. He's always hated himself. He hates his image. His image makes him sick.

On several occasions I've conversed with him and told him how wonderful of a young man he is! This is not a tactic to try and accomplish anything; in fact, the kid is extremely talented, handsome, intelligent, sociable, and stand-up-ish for someone his age... But he believes he is worthless, trash, disgusting... to himself.

Unfortunately, like my young friend, too many people are slaves to a dismal sense of self image. Including me. So the question is: who am I? You see, I cannot know what I am unless I know who I am. Unless I identify the who, I leave ample space for others, both people and things, to dictate the what.

Check it

QUESTION: Who am I?

"Then God said, 'Let us make human beings in our image, to be like us." Genesis 1:26; "So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." v27. And just to show off: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" Psalms 139:14. As if that were not enough, God confirms who we are in this: "See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1.

ANSWER: I am God's son, fearfully and wonderfully made in his image; I am like God! Simply put: I am ALL that AND a bag of chips - for free! No soda... (that was a joke) In all seriousness, this is not to be taken lightly. We are God's children!

Yay! We are God' children!.... but wait a minute.... who in the world is God?

I am glad you asked

"God replied to Moses, 'I Am Who I Am. Say this to the people of Israel: I Am has sent me to you." Exodus 3:14; "I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty." Revelation 1:8; "I tell you the truth," Jesus answered, "before Abraham was born, I am!" John 8:58; "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8; "I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End." Revelation 22:12

Got it? Good!

Now, the easier of the two questions: What are you? Inherent in 'what' is purpose. And this is where our ride comes to an end. Not that I cannot answer the question, but what's the purpose? (got that?) I can only define what I am in terms of me, and what I want to be. Defining the 'what' for anyone else defeats the entire purpose of this blog entry. In other words, you, as the reader, have to initiate that discovery on your own, having already defined and grasped who you are.

Still I offer you this help:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -Marianne Williamson

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7


Enjoy this piece by MercyMe

Illogically Logical

After a L O N G hiatus, a recent conversation with a very good friend of mine made me realize that there is an increasing need for people to hear, read, come in contact with the Word. And after much thought - OK, not much thought at all - I realize that I deviated from the work I am asked to do for way too long. Therefore, without saying much more; without delaying any longer, let's get to it!

John 20

"Mary was standing outside the tomb crying, and as she wept, she stooped and looked in. She saw two white-robed angels, one sitting at the head and the other at the foot of the place where the body of Jesus had been lying. 'Dear woman, why are you crying?' the angels asked her. 'Because they have taken away my Lord,' she replied, 'and I don’t know where they have put him." v11-13

WARNING
Read the above passage again before attempting to answer the following question

QUESTION: What's wrong with this passage?

Go'head, read it again....

Nothing...?

Check it

I am sure and would be willing to bet all of my savings (which is a whopping $20 or so) on the fact that we have all experienced death in way or another. Maybe it was a close kin. Maybe it was a friend. Maybe it was the death of a famous person we identified with (like good ol' Mike Jack)... In one way, shape, or form we have all been stung by this thing known as death. And in death there is sadness, there are tears, there is the visit to the one place everyone is - I think - afraid to go: the cemetery.

It is important to note that the Mary being referred in John 20:11 is none other than the Mary of Magdala, known as Mary the Magdalene, or simply Mary Magdalene.

There she is. At the tomb. In a cemetery. Where there are dead people. Dead people. She looks inside the tomb of a close friend of hers who'd recently died. She sees two white-robed dudes. Chillin'. Inside the tomb. In a cemetery. Where there are dead people. Dead people. She's crying. I mean, she is really crying. And one of the white-robed dudes asks her this question: "Dear woman, why are you crying?"

TIME OUT!

Dear woman, WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!

Is that the best question to ask someone who is at a CEMETERY?? What do you mean "why are you crying"? If I were Mary, my response would have gone something like this (clear throat): Oh! Is this not a cemetery? I'm sorry... guess I'm in the wrong place. Let me call my homegirls over and have a barbecue instead!" Feel free to sprinkle a bit more sarcasm.

The point is, for the white-robed dudes being angels, that was the worst question and the wrong question they could have asked Mary; agree?

..... is it really?

Jesus and Mary were close friends. In fact, Jesus was close friends with the trio from Magdala: Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. He'd often go and spend time with them at their home. Although it is not stated in the Bible how Jesus came to know this family, I believe that this friendship had a rather unusual beginning.

Remember the woman caught in adultery? That was Mary Magdalene. That was the first time Mary came face to face with her Savior. When all had already condemned her to death, Jesus gave her new life in the words "go and sin no more." John 8:11. Mary's new life must have caught the attention and gratitude of her siblings, arousing a want and need for them to know the originator of such sudden and sure change. And I believe that is when Jesus' friendship with the Magdala trio cemented.

Remember the woman who lavished perfume on Jesus' feet and dried them with her hair? That was Mary Magdalene. Luke 7:36-38

Remember when Jesus wept? That was because Mary Magdalene's brother, Lazarus, had died. John 11

The Bible supports the notion that this friendship was one that Jesus valued, and it is clear that they valued Jesus. Remember Jesus' trial, torture, and crucifixion? Mary witnessed it. On that Friday. Replayed it in her mind that Saturday. Went looking for closure that Sunday...

Which takes us back to the white-robed dude's insane question: "Dear woman, why are you crying?" Mary was crying for two reasons. Jesus had died. And as if that were not enough, someone had taken away his body! "Because they have taken away my Lord', she replied, 'and I don't know where they have put him" John 20:13

Believe it or not, Mary by no means answered the question she was being asked. The angels asked her specifically "WHY are you crying?" Instead, Mary understood the question as "why are YOU crying?"

Let me explain.

"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also." John 14:1-3 KJV

Although Mary was not present - I don't think - at the time Jesus made this promise, the fact is that He promised a return. Which means that His being dead was something temporary. Temporary meaning not permanent. So the question the angel asked was a rhetorical question of sorts, aiming to make Mary realize the point which completely went over her head: Jesus is ALIVE!

"Dear woman, why are you crying" when you can clearly see the tomb is empty? Do you think we'd be chillin' in here if someone had taken His body away? Fo'real, Mary? Fo'real? If the tomb is empty, can't you see that Jesus lives!? Can't you see that every single word He'd ever spoken, every promise He's ever made, every miracle He's ever performed is now validated and backed up by the fact that Jesus lives!?

Dear woman, WHY are you crying when instead you should be rejoicing? And, yes! Call your homegirls over and let's have a barbecue and throw it down! Because Jesus is alive!


So the question is posed to me, as well as you: WHY are YOU crying when faced with difficulties and uncertainties and clouds of 'what ifs' and whatever else? Can't you see? Can't I see?.... The tomb is empty! And JESUS IS ALIVE!

Hallelujah! Glory be to God! The tomb is empty! And Jesus is alive!

Don't Cry - Kirk Franklin

His Faithful Love Endures Forever

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
His faithful love endures forever.
"Give thanks to the God of gods.
His faithful love endures forever.
"Give thanks to the Lord of lords.
His faithful love endures forever.
"Give thanks to Him who alone does mighty miracles.
His faithful love endures forever."
-Psalm 136:1-4

Little did I know that this particular morning would be full of revealing evidence of God's faithfulness and of his everlasting love.

The phone rang as I was doing my morning worship, accompanied by several of my favorite YouTube worship videos. It was the voice of my boss telling me, "You know you were supposed to be here to open this morning, right?"

What the heck?! R U Serious?!

I had worked the previous night covering for a co-worker. Usually on Thursdays, I work in the evening as part of the closing crew. Since I needed the money, I gladly agreed to cover for my co-worker when he called me with desperation in his voice - sort of. So now I'm all screwed up schedule wise.

Actually, I wasn't. I just didn't check my schedule... shame on me.

So when I woke up on the morning of July 29, 2010, I was under the impression that I had to be at work at the usual time, some time in the evening.

"Holy Mary mother of ..." I really don't know what I said. "Dude, I'm on my way!"

So I got up, took a quick shower, got dressed, looked for something to eat, and headed out the door with my breakfast. My younger sister was there, so before heading out of the house, as usual, I gave her kiss on the forehead and her last image of me that morning was of my back exiting the front door.

It was around 9:30am when I started on the road to work that morning. It was a typical morning. Typical in the sense that nothing seemed unusual. As usual, I opened the sunroof of my black 2000 Honda Civic EX and put down both the driver and front passenger windows to enjoy temperature outside. And this is how I drove to work that morning. Wearing no seat belt.

As I made my way across the bridge into Cherry Hill, New Jersey, for some reason it caught my attention that the ground was wet. To me it made no sense because it hadn't rained in Philadelphia that morning and this part of Jersey is very close to Philly. Still, I kept driving, with my usual speed around that area, making no big deal of what seemed like an insignificant observation.

As I neared my exit, I safely maneuvered my way onto the furthest right lane of the express way and took the ramp towards my destination.

This is where a typical morning became atypical.

As I got onto the ramp, I suddenly felt my car slipping. The mental image yields to something surreal. I immediately sensed something bad was going to happen. I could see the car about to hit the right side of the curvy road, so I tried to straighten it up by turning the steering wheel in the opposite direction the car was heading. That just created more issues. Quickly, the car was no longer under my control and then it happened. I saw it happen. I couldn't believe it was happening...

During my attempt to regain control of the car and to steer it in the right direction, I sharply turned the steering wheel left, in panic. This means my car was in the process of doing a U-turn at high speed, on a one lane ramp exit. Suddenly I felt the first impact: the front right tire hits the curve and in a matter of seconds I saw me feet raise above my head.

NO WAY!

YES way.

I closed my eyes, held tightly to the steering wheel, and from that moment on the outcome of my life was in God's hands. After closing my eyes I really don't remember much. What I do remember was a pain on my upper back and then opening my eyes. I looked around. Nothing bad happened. To me, at least. "Jesus!" the first word out of my mouth. "Thank you, Jesus!" the next words out of my mouth.

Suddenly I found myself in a crawling position. I quickly looked ahead and saw the opening of the front passenger window. There was nothing in the way so I crawled out. When I reached outside, I realized that my car had landed upside down! My little soldier was crushed! In shock I stood there contemplating the scene in front of me.

How is it possible that I came out of that in one piece? I began to cry, but out of gratitude. I did not cry for the car (I was looking at it from the other side of the road and thought "Sucks to be you, buddy!"). I did not cry in pain. I did not cry out of shock. I was at peace. A peace I cannot describe till this day. A peace that kindles the feeling of gratitude I have till this day. A peace that reminds me how unworthy I am to be alive, yet God saw it fit for me to live and not allow a bone to be broken in my body.

"For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone." Psalm 91: 11,12

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness
or danger or sword?...No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through
him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35,37

...and most def not a stupid lil' car accident.



Enjoy this beautiful song: My Help Comes from the Lord

Enjoy & Reflect

Enjoy this music video and reflect on its message.

Hope you're blessed by it. Or, at least, I hope it makes you reflect about your relationship with a Friend we usually take for granted.

Falling For You - Leeland

Willing

It's been a while so I'll get right to it.

Check it

"Large crowds followed Jesus as he came down the mountainside. Suddenly, a man with leprosy approached him and knelt before him. 'Lord,' the man said, 'if you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean.'" Matthew 8:1,2.

Wait a minute! Who is this dude?!
And what in the world is he doing?!
Does he not know his place?! Does he not know he is out of place?!
How dare he?! Eeww!!

What am I talking about; is that what you're thinking?

Check out Leviticus 13 and read until verse 44.

Put yourself in the place of someone who was considered to have a "serious skin disease". Not cool... not cool... Bring it to modern day: imagine having something as serious as AIDS (not HIV) and having to scream out--at the top of your lungs--"Unclean! Unclean! I got AIDS! Unclean!" every time you go out to the mall, to school, to church, on a date, to a party, to the supermarket, an amusement park... down the block 'n round the corner.......... get it?

Let that sink in.

Worst yet, imagine having a HUGE pimple at the tip of your nose and having to walk around with that thing! The pimple would be the one screaming out, at the top of its lungs--if pimple's had lungs--"I'm a pimple! I'm a pimple! On his nose!!"

No, seriously.

Verses 45 & 46: "Those who suffer from a serious skin disease must tear their clothing and leave their hair uncombed. They must cover their mouth and call out, 'Unclean! Unclean!' As long as the serious disease lasts, they will be ceremonially unclean. They must live in isolation in their place outside the camp."

Let that sink in.

Back to modern day, you couldn't go to any malls, to any schools, to any church, on that date, to that party, to any supermarkets, nor amusement parks, not even down the block 'n round the corner because you wouldn't have a home among the normal people; excuse me, I meant the clean people. No. You'd have to live somewhere isolated. Alienated. Forgotten.

That's harsh.

So, now you understand what I'm talking about?
Who is this dude and what is he doing?!

I don't know who he is, but I know this: he had leprosy and he came to see Jesus!

You see, you don't need to know this man's name to know that he was an intelligent person. He understood his condition, which happened to be the worst possible condition. He needed no one to remind him of how dirty and filthy he was. In fact, he had to do the reminding, right? He didn't need anyone to tell him he did not belong. He didn't need anyone to tell him absolutely anything about his physical state; he knew it all too well! As a matter of fact, nothing anyone could have said to him would have made him feel any less than what he already felt. This dude knew, very well, he was at the bottom of the bottom of the bottom of the lowest bottom. So he used that to his advantage and made way to meet the person he came to meet. Shouting aloud, "Unclean! Unclean!" he made his way through the large crowd of people. He didn't even have to say "excuse me", people were willingly getting out of homeboy's way; they didn't wanna be contaminated by him. EeWw!!

How ironic, he waited until Jesus came d o w n from the mountainside. Ha!

Notice that he knelt before Jesus. Think of it symbolically. How much lower could this guy go? (No, we're not playing Limbo). Jesus didn't ask him to kneel, but he felt the need to lower himself even more in the presence of the Most High. "...those who humble themselves will be exalted." Matthew 23:12.

Something interesting is about to happen.

"...if you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean", he said. In other words, "if you're willing to give me a little bit of your time and not brush me off like the others; if you can see me for who I truly am; if you're willing to place yourself in my shoes; if you're willing to look past my apparent imperfection; if you are willing to be contaminated by getting in contact with me; if you're willing to be criticized for helping me or even trying to help me; Lord, if you are willing to just give me your minimal.... you can heal me and make me clean."

I remember not too long ago I was going through a very rough period in my life. Not even my own family knew the extent of what I was enduring; I didn't want to tell them. It was mine to carry. I tried my best to not let my pain and frustration and everything else show on my face. There reached a time where I need a hug, someone to put a hand on my shoulder, some sort of contact, something to let me know someone cared: I got nothing, until I prayed for it. And one Saturday, right before the prayer, I asked God something very simple, "God, please give me a sign that you care." As I walked up to the front for the prayer, the pastor came down to pray and decided to stand right beside me and placed his arms around me and began praying.

So I understand why this guy said "if you're willing". He'd been longing for someone to show that they care about him in spite of his condition. He just wanted someone who was willing to love him and notice him even in his lowest state.

You see, you won't understand unless you've been there. You can't feel the pain in his words unless at some point you've uttered them. His words contain fatigue, hopelessness. These are words of a broken spirit, a tired body, mind, and soul. Don't try to understand if you haven't been there. You can't. You won't.

A few days after the earthquake in Haiti I spoke with my uncle who is still there, telling him that I'd been glued to CNN in order to keep up with how things were developing over there. I wanted to let him know that the pain he was living over there was the pain I was feeling over here. Then he said to me, "...you'd have to be here... to feel what I'm feeling." I could tell in his voice that his spirit was broken, that things seemed almost hopeless. The earthquake had pushed my favorite uncle and thousand others to that point, that small margin between sanity and insanity.

I couldn't understand the earthquake; I wasn't there! All I had was CNN... and it was impossible to know what my uncle was living (still is) through a tv screen: I had to be there.... get it?

So...

As lowly and filthy and worthless the man with leprosy felt, I've been there for different reasons. So I understand, even deeper, the desperation in his words, "if you are willing..." You feel so unwanted that you're practically at the mercy of whoever. Your own body, mind, soul, and everything and anything else that comprises you rejects you! The weight of both your internal and external condition overpowers and subdues you into the darkest pits of depression and self doubt: trust me, I've been there! Every sin is magnified. Every mistake is magnified. Every little thing you ever did wrong in your life seems bigger than you are...!

...trust me, I've been there.

I sank so low; I mean, the man with leprosy sank so low, no human could possibly reach out to touch him.

Have you been there?

Glory be to God, because...

"Jesus reached out and touched him. 'I am willing,' he said. 'Be healed!' And instantly the leprosy disappeared." Matthew 8:3

You see, Jesus is never worried about what others have to say when it comes to the healing and salvation of a soul. He is never worried about getting his hands dirty or being contaminated. Jesus is always willing, and since he and God are one, that means that God is also always willing. Not only is God willing, but he is able!

Never think you're too dirty or too lowly that Jesus isn't willing to help you. You could feel that you're the bottom of the bottom of the bottom of the lowliest bottom's bottom: Jesus will come down the mountainside to meet you there. And even there, he'll reach out to touch you, and he will say as he told our homeboy, "I AM willing. Be healed!"

Enjoy "Hold Me Now" by my man Kirk Franklin

Pieces

Pieces

With lifted arms I stand before you
Life's broken pieces in my hand
Singing the song of a heart hurting
Hoping that you'd understand

Unable to see the road ahead
Haunted by memories behind
Engulfed in clouds of darkness
My footing hard to find

Using a broken compass
Uncertain where to go
My strength quickly fading
Weakened by every blow

My head is soon exploding
Too many thoughts on my mind
Why must I suffer hardships
While for others life seems so kind?

I don't know who I am now
Or what your plan for me is
So I'm reaching out to touch you
Begging take my hands, please.

I'm drowning in desperation
It's difficult as I wait
I want to take the shortcuts
Deviating from the road straight

On the outside I seem stable
Though hiding the emptiness inside
Wanting to escape my troubled thoughts
To find a safer place to hide

I'm told you've never left me
And through it all you're there
In this darkness, please, come find me
God, tell me that you care

Take these worthless pieces
Which are things I have gone through
I certainly don't need them
So I give them all to you

I'm tired of feeling tired
Sick of feeling sick
Hurt from all the hurt
And weak from feeling weak

There's so much pain inside me

Seeds of hate begin to grow

Resulting in these pieces

Of which I must let go

Look into my heart
Would you count its tears?
It's forgotten true happiness
Since it's been two years

Now I turn to you
With nowhere else to run
I've consider ending my life
I only needed the gun

I pray, please, take these pieces
And everything which don't belong
Free me from my troubles
Give me a joyous song

02.12.10
Poem by: Kelly Jean Philippe

"But now, O Lord, thou art our Father; we are the clay, and thou our potter;
and we all are the work of thy hand." Isaiah 64:8

The Chamber

The Chamber

Trapped in this chamber

No wider than ear to ear
The shadows of memories dark
And perversions of thoughts once clear

Whom have I become?
Blood runs not through my vein
I am heartless and cold
I am Cain

Unwanted and despised
As repulsive as can be
A monster ever growing
A monster that is me

Unleash me filthy devil!
Release me! Let me free!
Trapped in this chamber of memories
The battle within me.

2.9.10

Poem by: Kelly Jean Philippe