Faith Journey: Chapter 2

Who's Boss?

So I've already said how frustrating I have been in recent times, and I'm going to say it again. Some days are perfect. Most days are rough - and I'm being generous by saying that. And I am beginning to realize more and more the origin of my frustration.

Logic states that if you're doing something that really hurts, you stop doing it so that it doesn't continue hurting. Makes sense, right? And there are many examples which can be used to illustrate why this is very logical. So why is it so illogical when it comes to those things we simply cannot let go of mentally, emotionally?

I guess by now I've given away what I am referring to. Why is it that we - that I - cannot let go of things that hurt me? What makes it so difficult? Why does it seem so impossible? What's the deal with simply letting go..?


Some dude came to Jesus and asked what he needed to do in order to be saved or have eternal life.

"Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?" Matthew 19:16

To sum up the story, Jesus told him that he needed keep the commandments. I imagine that the dude chuckled to himself and gave Jesus that look as if saying, "Are you for real?" Jesus saw the look and heard the chuckle, so he took it to the next level:

"If you want to be perfect, go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." verse 21

The hardest thing for this dude to accept was the whole 'sell all your possessions' phrase.

Ever heard the saying 'money is power' and 'power yields control'? Which one of us, as humans, does not like to be in control... of absolutely anything?

Imagine: would you like someone to be in complete control of your health?
Would you like someone to be in complete control of your money?
Would you like someone to be in complete control of your person?
Do you even like it when someone else drives your car, if you have a car?

These may not mean absolutely anything... but I can't help to think that this is exactly what the dude was considering when Jesus told him to 'sell all of his possessions'. In essence, Jesus told him to 'let go', and when he added "follow me" he meant 'let God'.

"...go and sell your possessions" was Jesus' way of ridding this dude from all the stuff he simply could not let go of.

I remember watching a home improvement show on TV once and the homeowner wanted to remodel her home after/due to her husband's death. However, in order to raise enough money to buy new furniture and accessories, she was asked to sell some of the existing stuff in her house. There was one particular item - which I cannot remember what it was - that was of high sentimental value because it belonged to her deceased husband. It took some very powerful convincing from the part of the show host for this hurting widow to finally agree to selling the item.

Likewise, Jesus wanted to do the same for this dude.

"..go and sell all your possessions". In other words, "..go and let go all of the crap you're still holding on to. Rid yourself from everything that has nothing to do with me - which is everything you're currently holding to. Throw it all away! Let it go! Dude, clear your mind.. loosen your grip. They're pointless. They're old. They're worthless. Sell them! Give them away! I want you to have nothing; yes, nothing! I want you to have nothing because..."

"Then come, follow me." In other words, "then come, remember what I just told you? - 'you will have treasure in heaven' - which is nothing compared to all the crap you're still holding on to. Let me give you some of the good stuff that I have. But it goes deeper than that, follow me! Wherever I go you go. Whatever I say you say. Whatever I do you do. Let me control you. Yes, I mean just that. Let me control the way you think, the way you see, the way you speak, the way you dress, the way you breathe and eat and drink and walk. Let me control everything that defines you. Let me be in everything that is you. You're stuff is worthless but the things I'll give were paid for with blood - my blood! You're stuff is old but I make everything new! You're stuff is pointless but what I have to give you, what I want to do for you, what I want to do with you is all part of my perfect plan! Look, if I hold all things together, if I'm able to hold creation as a whole together, in perfect harmony, with my left hand, I will hold you and guide you with my mighty strong right hand. All you have to do is simply let go.. follow me. Me! And just let go, and allow me to be in total control. And I guarantee I will never let you down. But first, you must let go and let me be who I AM; and trust me, I AM YHWH!"

"The Lord replied, 'I will make all my goodness pass before you, and I will call out my name, Yahweh, before you.' " Exodus 33:19

"Then the Lord came down in a cloud and stood there with him; and he [the Lord] called out his own name, Yahweh." Exodus 34:5

"The Lord passed in front of Moses, calling out, 'Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.' " Exodus 34:6

So I find myself face to face with Jesus telling me, "If you want to be perfect, go and sell all your possessions...Then come, follow me." And I'm the one now who chuckles to myself, giving Jesus this look that's saying, "Are you for real, of course I want to be perfect!" I simply need to sell all my possessions, but don't know how to. And I refuse to "[go] away sad, for I had many possessions." Matthew 19:22

I must leave my possessions behind. I must leave my possessions way behind. Better yet, I must rid myself of my possessions - which are many. I must empty out myself of all the crap I still hold on to. I must loosen a grip and allow Yahweh to conduct every aspect of my being. I cannot have treasures in heaven unless I do so.

So this is where I am. I need to let go. Of it. Of them. Of me. I need to let Yahweh...

"Exalted" by Chris Tomlin

Please, if you pray for me, whether or not you know me,

find excuses to keep me in your prayers.

"And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Now all glory to God our Father forever and ever! Amen." Philippians 4:19,20

Mighty To Save

So I'm on YouTube listening to some music before the start of the Sabbath and this song comes on. And it's really very powerful song! As I listen to the words, I am realizing that there are many aspects in my life that have yet to understand the amazing fact that Jesus has conquered the grave and that, if he has already conquered the grave - think about it... he has conquered the grave! - there is no reason why my faith and confidence and trust in him should waver.

"I am the living one. I died, but look - I am alive forever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and hell." Revelations 1:18

That's amazing, to say the least. So here are the lyrics to the song and I've embedded the video for your meditation and delight.

Mighty To Save by Hillsong United


Everyone needs compassion,
Love that's never failing;
Let mercy fall on me.


Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Saviour;
The Hope of nations.


Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.


Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.


So take me as You find me,
All my fears and failures,
Fill my life again.


I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender.


My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.


Shine your light and let the whole world see,
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)


My Saviour, He can move the mountains,
My God is Mighty to save,
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave,
Jesus conquered the grave.


My Saviour, you can move the mountains,
You are mighty to save,
You are mighty to save.
Forever, Author of Salvation,
You rose and conquered the grave,
Yes you conquered the grave

Faith Journey: Chapter 1

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for;

the evidence of things not yet seen." Hebrews 11:1

I remember this once I was describing how I visualized faith to a friend. I told her that faith is standing at the edge of a ridiculously high diving board, in a pitch black room with a pool, not knowing whether or not the pool has water. And God says the craziest possible thing: jump. There is no way out, except you jump. No way of seeing below. No way of knowing. There may not even be water in the pool. There may not even be a pool. And God says the craziest possible thing: jump. No way to even know if it is God. No way of knowing how far up or how close to the bottom. No way of knowing if there is a bottom; a solid one, at least. How long is the diving board? How wide? Is there space to take a step back? Is there space to move around? You cannot see. Nothing around to feel. No smell. You echos respond to your cry. You can only hear God repeating the craziest possible thing: jump.

What do you do?

"Then the Lord said to him, 'No, your servant will not be your heir, for you will have a son of your own who will be your heir.' Then the Lord took Abram outside and said to him, 'Look up into the sky and count the stars if you can. That's how many descendants you will have!' And Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him righteous because of his faith." Genesis 15:4-6

Then Isaac was born. Abram - now Abraham - and his wife Sarai - now Sarah - watched as their 'son-of-the-promise' grew. How many memories: his first steps; first time saying "mama" & "papa"; first time he smiled. The sleepless nights, the close calls, the moments of genuine innocence, the moments of a parent's discipline. Abraham, a very old man, chasing after his one and only son in the fields, teaching him the secrets of farming, the ins and outs of pasturing, how to connect with nature, how to see The Creator through nature. And the list goes on.

" 'Abraham!' God called. 'Yes,' he replied. 'Here I am.' 'Take your son, your only son - yes, Isaac, whom you love so much - and go to the land of Moriah. Go and sacrifice him as a burnt offering on one of the mountains, which I will show you.' " Genesis 22:1,2

No need to read between the lines in order to understand what God was demanding from Abraham. Go sacrifice him... as a burnt offering... your only son... Isaac... whom you love so much... why is God being so specific?

Abraham had another son, Ishmael. Obviously had God just left it as 'take your son and sacrifice him', Abraham could have simply taken Ishmy and called it a day; problem solved, the kid born out of wedlock is no more. That would have taken a huge load off Sarah's back, I'm sure.

But why Isaac? Isn't he the son-of-the-promise?

After receiving this news, Abraham had to step out of his tent and have a small chat with God, because this simply did not make any sense.

"Kelz!" God called.
"Yes, God, what's good?" I replied.
"I want you to become one of my soldiers - a preacher - with a message that I will give only to you. You down?"
"You know it! But this is how I'm going to do it..."
"Wait a minute there, cowboy, slow down. It's not on your terms but mine."
"Yeah, sure, but what I was saying is that I need these things to happen before I can go be who you want me to be. These things are important to me. By doing them, you'd be giving me a sign that this is truly what you want me to do."

"Actually, one of those things belongs to me, and I'm gonna need you to sacrifice it, for me. Yes, that thing - that only thing you love so much - I'm gonna need you to give me that. And I know you won't be able to under certain circumstances, so I'm telling you to go to a place I will show you."
"God are you serious?! Why this?! God, there is no way! You and I spoke about this, remember? What about what we spoke about that one time? God, please answer me and give me some clarity, because this is just insane..."

"Isaac? God are you sure? Didn't you make me look up at the sky before he was born and tell me that through him my descendants will be as numerous as these stars? You must be making a huge mistake. How can I possibly kill my own son! There has to be a mistake. Dude, I'm old! You don't expect me to have another son, do you? It took me a hundred years just to get this one! And now you want me to sacrifice him as a burnt offering? God, please answer me and give me some clarity, because this is just insane..."

"And Abraham believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him

as righteous because of his faith." Genesis 15:6

The next morning, Abraham, two of his servants, Isaac, and a donkey set out on a three day journey to the place where God was to show them. Although 'Abraham believed the Lord' I cannot ignore the fact that he was a human and a parent who, by the way, was walking around knowing he was about to sacrifice his only child. Each night they set camp before arriving to Moriah, I imagine Abraham still pleading and arguing with God.

"Are you sure you're not making a mistake, God? Can't you see you're contradicting yourself? Can't you see how confusing and frustrating this is? Why do you always take away the things we love most? I do not see how you're gonna work this one out, honestly. In what possible way could there be a way out of this one? Why are you doing this to me? Why couldn't be something else that I don't really care for? God, are you listening to me? Can you just answer me!"

"Put it like this, Kelz, if I didn't answer Abraham..."

"On the third day of their journey, Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. 'Stay here with the donkey,' Abraham told the servants. 'The boy and I will travel a little farther. We will worship there, and then we will come right back.' " Genesis 22:5

Conventional wisdom would say that Abraham was lying to his servants and to Isaac. And that's precisely why it's called conventional wisdom not divine wisdom. Speaking the way he spoke, Abraham listened to the craziest possible thing God could say, and jumped, not knowing where he would land, if he would land. But he jumped. And all it took was that jump to propel him to a level where was able to look square into his son's eyes and say, "God will provide a sheep for the burnt offering, my son." Genesis 22:8

In the time of God's silence, Abraham began to understand - and eventually understood - that when the Main Dude speaks, his words need no revision. God's promise to Abraham was met! He did not need to go back and revisit what he'd already told him, because when God speaks, he will do what he said he'll do. Period.


So here I am on my personal faith journey. I continue to plead and argue with God as he is leading me to the place where he wants me to go. I guess it's slowly happening, so like Abraham, I am beginning to understand that when the Main Dude speaks, he will do what he said he'll do. Period. I guess it's slowly happening, but like Abraham I want to be propelled to that level where I can live confidently knowing that regardless of the situation, circumstance, obstacle, whatever, I can not only say, not only believe, but trust and know that God will provide, that God has already provided.

I don't want to be given a title as prestigious as 'The Father of Faith' or 'A Man After God's Own Heart' - although that would be kinda cool. What I simply want is this:

Teach me your ways, O Lord,
that I may live according to your truth!
Grand me purity of heart,
so that I may honor you. Psalms 86:11

Enjoy "My Deliverer" by Chris Tomlin

Fo'Chisel

Last night 8 o'clock hit and I did nothing. So what, - you may be asking - , what's the big deal? The deal is that I left God hanging. I left him hanging because I was (and still am) very frustrated with myself. I've been asking God to teach me how to let go of certain things in my life. I've been asking him to teach me how to make my bed in him. I've been asking God to take control. Yet, I cannot seem to let him do what he has to do - in me.

And it's frustrating the heck out of me! Right now, in a way, I'm leaving him hanging again... I really just want to be able to, even for just one second, stop feeling. My mind is like a whirlwind. My thoughts cannot stop racing through my head. I want to trust in him - but I want to retain control. I want to 'let go and let God' but I want to play the role of God.

Ever since I took the decision of becoming a youth pastor, I have been getting my boat rocked! I have become a walking punching bag. I figure that it's God doing his thing, you know? Everyone I speak to has said the same thing: gold is purified through fire. Well, I've been getting roasted, ever so slowly, through this fire.

...and let me be honest in saying that I want to quit before I even start...

But I cannot. I must not. I will not. God wants to do something special with me.

Who am I not to allow the Maestro from performing with his instrument, if I am the instrument? So this is where my frustration and my internal war stem from...

[please, I beg you few who follow this blog, please, do not stop praying for me...]


Watch this video - several times if you have to - then read on.
Enjoy & be blessed

I want God to chisel away. I need God to chisel away... for his sake

At this point in my life, with everything that's been happening around me, I am just like that guy. Why does God want to use me? Why can't he pick someone else? Why is so persistent? Why does he not want to leave me alone? Why does he want to use me?

Why do I want him to use me? Why am I not running away? Why do I want him to persist? Why am I asking him to chisel away? Why do I want him to chisel away? Why do I need him to chisel away..?

You have no idea how frustrating this is and how frustrated I am. . . .

but like I said, who am I to prevent the Maestro from performing with his instrument if I am the instrument...?

Enjoy this video. This is what I need to allow God to do to me.

The song title is "Paint Your Picture" by Julie Meyer

I Have Yet To Learn

Read the story of how God brought the Israelites out of Egypt...

Take your time reading this amazing story and try to notice a trend. There was an on and off, up and down, left and right, -well, the point is made clear- relationship between the Israelites against God.

See if you can pick it out

Notice how God managed to bring them out of Egypt. Place yourself in the story and try to visualize the things, the signs God performed through Moses and Aaron. This stuff is unheard of in our times today...

Can you really imagine a friend txt'n u sumday sayn' he/she wuz takn' a shw'r n da water wuz blood?!

Or finding that in your microwave, all over your bed, all over your house, all around your 'hood, all up in your car, in/on your clothes, inside the fridge, I mean, A L L O V E R your crib: frogs!

Really, think about it, about all the plagues that fell on the Egyptians, while God's people (I said GOD'S PEOPLE) were not even affected by any of it! They were sheltered from the horrible things occurring to their Egyptian neighbors. It's not like it was a secret, either. E V E R Y O N E knew that they were God's chosen people (I said GOD'S CHOSEN PEOPLE) and that everything that was happening was happening because God wanted to do something really good for them..

I mean, the Egyptians knew it. The Israelites knew it.

And God did just that. Talk about showing off!

He parted an entire sea; as in, divided the sea into two sides;

as in, water on one side, a little runway, water on the other side;

as in, walls of water; as in, where have you even heard of that before?!

God not only took Israel from Egypt, he played the Egyptians... He made sure that his crew left with all the bling and the ice they could get their hands on... I mean, Israel, from the bit I get from the Bible, really helped shape Egypt! These dudes, one could say, really helped build Egypt during the time they were there! They were important to the growth and economy and really the productivity of what Egypt was at that time - kinda like blacks in America, back during slavery days... (I'll leave it as that).

So not only were the Egyptians loosing a valuable people, this people stripped them of their riches! All I can say is: don't mess with God's property, or else..

So after all of what God did for the Israelites, they get to a point in their short three days journey and they're a bit thirsty. They cannot find water. And they're walking around in a desert.. When they finally do, the water is too bitter to drink..! I can't even imagine that, honestly.

What happens next is extremely interesting:

Never mind the fact that "...he [Yahweh - I mean, God] guided them during the day with a pillar of cloud, and he provided light at night with a pillar of fire." Exodus 13:21

Never mind all of the other stuff he'd already done for them thus far

Never mind the fact that they just came from singing a song of deliverance because of what God had done to the Egyptian army

What happens next..?

I forget what God has just done for me.

I doubt. I complain. I turn against the same hand who brings me deliverance.. I point the finger at him. I curse him. I offend him.

Why do I continuously do that? Has God become that much of a joke, to me? Is this how seriously I really take him?

A few days ago I found myself doing the same exact thing, you know? And it really caught my attention; I had to pause and evaluate what I was doing. God has been doing such great things with me - more so recently. I have been talking to him and he has been answering. He's been revealing things to me and I've been slowly learning. He's shown me through amazing ways that he is with me!

He has shown me through tangible evidence that he does hear my cries and when I pray he really does listen. Through other people, he's been telling me that he wants to do amazing things with me. I mean, if there's ever been a time God's presence has been so strong in my life (and I pray it continues till I die), it's right now!

Everyday he leads me through the Red Sea.
Everyday he defeats Pharaoh and his army.
Everyday he is a pillar of cloud and fire.
Everyday he brings me deliverance.

As long as he keeps providing, I'll keep riding the wave, huh?... because once I get to that oasis of bitter water, I complain, among other more offensive things.

...there's something seriously wrong with that picture

I have yet to learn how to fully trust in the Lord

"Cristo Yo Creo En Ti" by Jessica Landaverde

Can't Touch This!

So I've been doing more Bible reading recently, and I have to say that truly, the Bible is the word of God. Period.

So since it is God's word talking to me, whenever I read anything: a verse, psalm, chapter, book, anything at all, I place myself in there somewhere, somehow. The results are cool. Powerful!

Let's see if you agree...

Psalm 91

Everyone and their momma should know this Psalm. I remember memorizing it at a young age, when I lived in Venezuela. The funny thing is that whenever I read it, still to this day, regardless of the language I read it in, I read it to a particular tune which is the tune I memorized it with...

Good times.. Good times..

Anyway, this is what you're going to do, it's simple: change each sentence and make it personal.

Example: Verse 7 reads, "Though a thousand falls at your side..."

Instead of 'YOUR', replace it with 'MY'

Now the verse should sound like this: "Though a thousand fall at my side..."

Easy, right? But be careful, always keep in mind who is the one speaking; it's not always going to be you.

So now let's see how powerful God's word really is

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High

will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place
of safety; he is my God, and I trust him.
For he will rescue me from every trap
and protect me from deadly disease.
He will cover me with his feathers.
He will shelter me with his wings.
His faithful promises are my armor and protection.

"I will not be afraid of the terrors of
the night, nor the arrow that flies in the day.
I will not dread the disease that stalks
in darkness, nor the disaster that strikes
at midday. Though a thousand fall
at my side, though ten thousand
are dying around me, these evils will not
touch me. I will open my eyes and see
how the wicked are punished.

"If I make the Lord my refuge,
if I make the Most High my shelter,
no evil will conquer me; no plague
will come near my home.
For he will order his angels to protect me
wherever I go. They will hold me up with
their hands so I won't even
hurt my foot on a stone.

I will trample upon lions and cobras;
I will crush fierce lions and serpents
under my feet!

"The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
When they call on me, I will answer.
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation.' "

WOW!

Take a minute and let it sink..

This is where I was blown away, verse 13:

"I will trample upon lions and cobras; I will crush

fierce lions and serpents under my feet!"

I wear a size 10 in shoes. On a good day, 10.5 maybe even 11.

I also know that lions are HUGE animals! And I wouldn't mess with a serpent,
let alone a cobra with a ten foot pole, or even if you payed me to do it!

So what the heck is this dude talking about trampling and crushing lions and cobras and stuff?

I know David was brave and all, but how about those of us who didn't kill Goliath..?

That's not what he was referring to..

The Amplified Bible version reads, "And I will put enmity between you [the serpent] and the woman, and between your offspring and her Offspring; He will bruise and tread your head underfoot, and you will lie in wait and bruise His heel." Genesis 3:15

"Then there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon and his angels. And the dragon lost the battle, and he and his angels were forced out of heaven. This great dragon - the ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, the one deceiving the whole world - was thrown down to the earth with all his angels." Revelations 12:7-9

"Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

Check it

"If I make the Lord my refuge, if I make the Most High my shelter..." I will trample and crush that fierce lion and cobra, that old ancient son-of-a-gun, the devil - called Satan. In other words, I will be picking his gooey brain from under my shoes! In other words, through the power God has given me, this dude cannot touch me! In other words, ... get it?

Now check out how AWESOME my God is:

count the number of promises he will deliver on..

The Lord says:

1. I will rescue...

2. I will protect...

3. I will answer...

4. I will be with...
5. I will honor...
6. I will reward with a long life
7. I will give them my salvation

Seven. God's perfect number.

This can only mean one thing: God will always deliver, as he always does

Dudes and Dudettes, God's word is only powerful if I claim it for me.

"God of Wonders" by Third Day

Sound of Silence

I've never realized it until recently, but many of us are afraid of silence. Have you ever thought of that? For starters, have you ever seen a silent film? You see, in college I majored in Film and Media Studies, so I know a thing or two about silent films. Before sound was introduced to art of movie making, movies were silent. The only sound you'd get would be the music of a live band playing in the theater, right there, at the moment you and your friends (or date) were watching the movie! At times there was even a guy functioning as an MC who would narrate what was being seen on screen. Yet, there were times that no band and no MC were present, so everyone in the theater were literally quietly watching a silent film.

Think about that...

Can you imagine going to see 300 as a silent film?

or

Titanic?

or

Star Wars; any of the many out there?

How about while driving, can you drive without listening to your radio or a CD or iPod? I mean, I can point out many other examples, but I'm guessing that by now the point is becoming a bit clearer.

One of the reasons why I hate doctor offices or any of these type of offices is because it's so quiet! Not only that, but the person you go see - in this case the doctor - forces you to sit and wait quietly. Unless you have someone else with you, ain't no one to talk to! That's why you may find yourself taking a book with you, or reading a magazine, or listening to music from the iPod or cellphone. Or just sitting there dying of boredom, patiently waiting for someone to tell you the doctor is ready to see you... FINALLY!

So the question stands: what is it about silence that bothers us - that bothers me - so much? Just yesterday I was in my friend's car talking and we had a moment where no one was saying anything, maybe 20 seconds. Instantly, she felt uncomfortable and expressed how she didn't like the quiet. So she turned car radio on. I asked her what was so wrong with a little bit of quiet and she replied, "I don't know, I just don't like silence."

So I pose the question again: what's the deal with silence?

Imagine being in a classroom, one of those state university type classes with some crazy number, like 1500 students in one class and everyone, ALL 1500, are talking. You - #1501 - are trying to hear what your 87 year old professor is trying to say... keep that in mind, for now.

1 Kings 19

" 'Go out and stand before me on the mountain,' the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gently whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And a voice said, 'What are you doing here, Elijah?' " 1 Kings 19:11-13

Interesting.

If anyone knew about God in this passage and at that time it was the Elijah. Needless to say that he was running away from fear that what's-her-face, Jezebel, was going to kill him. No ifs or buts about it. She didn't just want to kill him for no reason.. she had her great reasons.

First, because of this so called prophet of God - you know, the Elijah guy - there was no rain nor dew for a hot minute. As a matter of fact, until he - you know, that guy - gave the word. Translation: no water = no crops = no food = famine = people dying = a nation of funky people = Jeze is upset, to say the least.

Then, Elijah challenges Jeze's crew to see whose god is the True God (chapter 18). Long story short, Elijah ends up killing all of Jeze's crew, 850 in total.

Now, you tell me, didn't she have a reason to wanna kill him?.. I'll let you answer that.

So Elijah finds himself hiding and God tells him to go wait for him on the mountain; nothing to make of that. Like a faithful and obedient servant, the prophet goes and is waiting for God to show up. Now, this is God we're talking about, you know, JEHOVAH, The Almighty...

He is one of those dudes who knows how to make an entrance. And when he does, everyone knows about it! I mean, lightning flashes and thunder rolls, and the winds blow, and the trees shake, and the waters tremble and the earth quakes... We've heard it all before. Elijah knew it all too well, since just a few days earlier had God appeared through the fire that consumed his altar and not that of Jeze's crew.

I am almost positive that Elijah had a clear sense of how God was going to appear to him on the mountain. But, boy! How wrong was he!

"...and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose". After ducking a few rocks and running wildly for his life, I imagine Elijah, thinking that God was on the mountain wondered, "Lord, what an entrance! Are you there?"

"but the Lord was not in the wind"

"After the wind there was an earthquake..." Since homeslice did not get a response the first time, he probably thought it was the weather. However, this earthquake had to be God.

"but the Lord was not in the earthquake." 1 Kings 19:11

"And after the earthquake there was a fire..." By then, Elijah probably wanted to peace-out and just go somewhere, because if God, who knows how to make an entrance was not in the wind, was not in the earthquake, then he wasn't going to show up! That thought quickly changed when he saw the fire. "Yeah! My God is HOT like fiya!" So contemplating the scene, Elijah surely yelled out, "Lord, you're hot alright! Is that you?"

"but the Lord was not in the fire." 1 Kings 19:12

"What the..." Before Elijah even finished the thought, he noticed something strange, unusual. All three events produced some loud sounds, I'm sure. And it's not like they're separated by several hours.. I mean, this was one after the other!

So why is it so still and quiet all of a sudden...?

The Amplified Bible version reads, "...and after the fire a sound of gentle stillness."

I imagine the prophet didn't even want to breathe, that's how still and quiet it was. He patiently waited to see what was going to happen next. In those seconds, minutes, hours of stillness, Elijah understood and it made sense to him.

"When Elijah heard it [the sound of a gentle stillness], he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave." 1 Kings 19:13

Check it

God did not speak through the wind, although he could have.
God did not speak through the quake, although he could have.
God did not speak through the fire, although he could have.

He spoke in the sound of a gentle stillness and instructed the prophet.

Why am I so afraid of the silence?

Elijah was going through some stuff! And it was not until he found himself alone, on the mountain, waiting for God to appear, that he received his instructions from God in the sound of a gentle stillness.

STRONG WIND + EARTHQUAKE + FIRE = the commotions of everyday life

Dude, Dudette, there is too much movement in your life - in my life. How can I possibly hear God's voice instructing me if I am constantly moving? How can you hear what your 87 year old professor is trying to say if all 1500 students don't shut it up? How can I hear him in the rumbling of the stones falling down on me or the earth quaking beneath me or the fire that surrounds me? He can certainly speak to me regardless of these things; however, he tells me

"Be still, and know that I am God!" Psalms 46:10.

We, I must "wait quietly before God, for my victory comes from him." Psalms 62:1.

I will "wait patiently for the Lord. [ I will] Be brave and courageous. Yes, [I, me, this guy, the author of this entry, I will] wait patiently for the Lord." Psalms 27:14

For in the sound of a gentle stillness my God will answer me and lift this pain I hold deeply in my heart...



"It Is Well With My Soul" by Chris Rice

The Love of God

THE BEGINNING


I was in love, once. Actually, I still am. But that doesn't matter. I thought I was loved, once. Then I learned that it was not at all the case...

It was all too perfect. We had spent so many years together and still it looked like we had just begun dating but days ago. Everywhere we went, we were the show-stoppers, the couple who made people's head turn, the cutest couple. We made people jealous. We gave people hope. Someone once commented about us on a picture:

"True love never fails; they've (as in me and her) taught me that."

We even had times when we spoke about how impossible it was for either of us to see ourselves with anyone else. At one point, she got so angry as she visualized me dating or being with someone else. I didn't get angry, but the thought of her and someone else always bothered me. Greatly.

If you knew me, you knew her. If you knew her, you knew me.

We began acting alike. Talking alike. Thinking alike.

She would start a thought, and before she could get it out, I'd finish it, and then we'd laugh at how strange the moment was.
There were days where we simply could not stay off of each other. I remember once I was going to play basketball, something I usually did at the time, and the sadness on her face because I was leaving made me stay. I couldn't leave and see her this sad about me leaving; I didn't want to hurt my Baby. So I stayed. And we kicked it. And it was fun!

We believed that there was nothing we couldn't tackle as long as we were together. I loved her with a passion that scared me. She seemed to have loved me too... I knew exactly what to do to make her smile, to make her happy, to make her mad. I was convinced (and sadly I still am) that I was the only person in the world that could make her the happiest, ever. And that no matter what, no matter when, no matter where, no one else would or could ever take my place...

I was in love, once...

One of his most amazing creations had just betrayed him. There was none other like him. From all the beings that were created, he was the cream of the crop. Gorgeous, extremely talented, powerful, a natural created leader. He thought he was the best thing in wings... but he was not in the same league as The Father or The Son or The Holy Ghost.

In a flash Lucifer changed and chaos erupted. In a flash he and a host of other angels found themselves free falling from the place that was now once their home. God was hurt, very hurt. Maybe the pain was not as bad, after all, these dudes came about simply because he spoke and they appeared. So he had an ingenious plan.

"So God created human beings in his own image..." Genesis 1:27

God was in love! He knew they were going to be something special, but he probably didn't realize that they were going to be something special! He probably thought, "Did I really just do that? Boy, am I good!" Then it hit him that the form in front of him was not alive yet, so "he breathed the breath of life into the man's nostrils, and the man became a living person" Genesis 2:7

This time he thought, "I took my time to make them. They aren't just a spoken word. They are my time, the works of my hands, my imagination, my image, my breath, my everything, my perfection incarnated." God was in love! He began spending a lot of time with the humans. They would start a thought and he would finish it. And then they'd laugh at how weird that moment was. If you knew them, you knew him. If you knew him, you knew them.

The other beings looked up to this perfect couple. Wherever they'd go, they were the show-stoppers, the ones who made heads turn and wings flap louder. They began acting like each other, talking like each other, thinking like each other. There was nothing they couldn't do together. I'm sure at some point, the thought of ever being with anyone else infuriated both sides. An angel once commented to another:

"True love never fails; they've taught me that."

Once God had to go back up to heaven, something he usually did at the time, and the sadness in their faces made him spend the night. There was no way he could leave them. There was no way they wanted him to go. God couldn't of left and seen them this sad; he didn't want to hurt his Baby. So he stayed. They kicked it. And it was fun!

He knew exactly what to do to make them smile, to make them happy, to make them mad. He was convinced that he was the only person in the world that could make them the happiest, ever. And that no matter what, no matter when, no matter where, no one else would or could ever take his place...

God was in love, still...

THE BREAK UP

Then things started to change a little bit. I began noticing that she no longer wanted to spend time with me. She had just gotten hired, and all of a sudden, I fell into second place. It wasn't because of how demanding her job might of been, for as strange as it sounds, she became addicted to her job and the people there. Then, things started falling deeper and deeper, faster and faster. I no longer mattered. We began arguing over stupid things. Lies. Secrets. Deception. I no longer was able to hold her attention. Her attention was now being devoted to her new love... People started getting in the way. Things started getting in the way. The idea of being with someone else was no longer something to get angry about.

I love you's were empty. I miss you's were robotic. It didn't matter whether I stayed or left to play ball. Lies. Secrets. Deception. The cute names between couples ceased. Our relationship, our friendship, our togetherness, everything no longer mattered. I wonder if it ever did...

We used to believe no one else could ever take our place in each others lives; now someone else sits comfortably in my place. While my heart breaks, his heart lives. While I'm filled with pain, he's filled with happiness. While I cry, he laughs (and laughs at me, for sure). While for me there is no more chance, he is presented with endless possibilities.

I was in love, once...

Then things started changing between God and his Baby. They no longer felt as excited to see him when he came by. He no longer held their attention. God noticed something was on their mind, rather, someone else. It didn't matter whether he stayed the night or went back to wherever he came from.

I love you's were empty. I miss you's were robotic. Where once he was called Beautiful One, Almighty, Precious One, Light of the World, Beginning and End, Unfailing Love, King of kings, Alpha and Omega, The Great I AM, now he was simply God. All of a sudden, things started to fall deeper and deeper, faster and faster. Their relationship, their friendship, their togetherness, everything no longer mattered. He wonder if it ever did...

They had gotten addicted to something else. It started getting in the way. Something else had found the path to their hearts. He believed that nothing or no one could have taken his place. Now, someone else was sitting comfortably in his place.

I am sure God thought, "While my heart breaks, his heart lives. While I'm filled with pain, he's filled with happiness. While I cry, he laughs (and laughs at me, for sure). While for me there is no more chance, he is presented with endless possibilities."

God was in love, still...

THE QUESTIONS

What happened? What did I do wrong? Why did she all of a sudden stop loving me? Am I that bad? Why'd she throw me away like a filthy rag? Why don't I matter anymore? Did I ever..? Was my love not good enough? Did she ever even love me? How long has this been going on? Why didn't I notice it at first? Why is this happening to me? Don't I deserve to be loved too? Don't I deserve to have someone to love? We were about to take it to the next level... why now? Why like this? When did I become so worthless? When did I become so useless? Why has she given him a chance? I thought true love never failed! What he offered her that I wasn't able to give her? Why doesn't she give a damn about me? I thought she loved me... I thought we were always supposed to be together... Doesn't the thought of being with another one anger her anymore? Why she letting him laugh to my face? Why him? Why not me? Am I that unattractive? Was I too boring? Was I too close minded?

Don't I deserve to be loved, too?

Didn't I give them everything they ever wanted? Did I spend too little time with them? Didn't I matter to them? Did I ever..? What did I do wrong? When did I become so worthless? When did I become so useless? Why are they letting him laugh to my face? I thought they loved me... Was my love not good enough? Was it not strong enough? Was it not clear enough? How long had this been going on? Am I that unattractive? Doesn't the thought of another one anger them anymore? Why don't they give a damn about me? Why did they let him get in the way? We were about to take it to the next level... Was I too boring? Was I too demanding? I gave them everything they could possibly need and want..! Am I not worth their time too? Is it that hard to be in love with me? Don't my feelings matter?

Don't I deserve to be loved, too..?

THE TOMORROW

So now I walk around with nothing put pain in my heart. I see those with their significant other and I get saddened, because I have no one to love me in that way. It's a kind of pain that I wouldn't want anyone to experience, the kind of pain where the one you love so much simply doesn't love you back, anymore. She and I were about to get married this coming April. I placed the ring on her finger, got her parent's blessings and permission. Now the ring sits in my room in its box. Her wedding dress was already bought. Now it just hangs somewhere. We even had the name of our children picked out... pathetic, I know. It hurts. God, it hurts!

To see her willing to give someone else a chance... She rather starts all over again, learning how to love again, while someone who already loves her is standing right in front of her, and it doesn't matter. It's a different feeling when you know for sure that you don't matter to the one who matters to you...

That's what I walk around with. I don't smile. I don't laugh. I don't sleep. Whether day or night, this pain is my only companion. I'm trying so hard to move on. I have friends and trusted people telling me sound advice, praying for me. But it hurts. She was supposed to be my wife... (I'm sorry, tears came down my eyes)

"He was despised and rejected - a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care." Isaiah 53:3

THE MYSTERY

"Yet it was our weakness he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins!

"But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed... He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word... Unjustly condemned he was led away. No one cared that he died without descendants, that his life was cut short in midstream... He had done no wrong and never deceived anyone. But he was buried like a criminal..." Isaiah 53:4-9

"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son..." John 3:16

Why does God love me so much that he is willing to do whatever...? I don't know. But I can understand a little bit of it now that I am in a similar place, and would be willing to do almost whatever myself. I've had those who know more about my pain ask me, "Would you take her back?" With all the pain this has caused me, my honest answer is "Yes, I'd take her back, still." God knows under what circumstances and the in and outs of my answer - you won't understand because you don't know.

Pathetic, I know. But I guess the angels can say the same thing about God - I'm sure they don't...

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or the earth below - indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38,39.

I guess that's why it's a mystery, God's love is.

"The Love of God" by MercyMe