The Love of God

THE BEGINNING


I was in love, once. Actually, I still am. But that doesn't matter. I thought I was loved, once. Then I learned that it was not at all the case...

It was all too perfect. We had spent so many years together and still it looked like we had just begun dating but days ago. Everywhere we went, we were the show-stoppers, the couple who made people's head turn, the cutest couple. We made people jealous. We gave people hope. Someone once commented about us on a picture:

"True love never fails; they've (as in me and her) taught me that."

We even had times when we spoke about how impossible it was for either of us to see ourselves with anyone else. At one point, she got so angry as she visualized me dating or being with someone else. I didn't get angry, but the thought of her and someone else always bothered me. Greatly.

If you knew me, you knew her. If you knew her, you knew me.

We began acting alike. Talking alike. Thinking alike.

She would start a thought, and before she could get it out, I'd finish it, and then we'd laugh at how strange the moment was.
There were days where we simply could not stay off of each other. I remember once I was going to play basketball, something I usually did at the time, and the sadness on her face because I was leaving made me stay. I couldn't leave and see her this sad about me leaving; I didn't want to hurt my Baby. So I stayed. And we kicked it. And it was fun!

We believed that there was nothing we couldn't tackle as long as we were together. I loved her with a passion that scared me. She seemed to have loved me too... I knew exactly what to do to make her smile, to make her happy, to make her mad. I was convinced (and sadly I still am) that I was the only person in the world that could make her the happiest, ever. And that no matter what, no matter when, no matter where, no one else would or could ever take my place...

I was in love, once...

One of his most amazing creations had just betrayed him. There was none other like him. From all the beings that were created, he was the cream of the crop. Gorgeous, extremely talented, powerful, a natural created leader. He thought he was the best thing in wings... but he was not in the same league as The Father or The Son or The Holy Ghost.

In a flash Lucifer changed and chaos erupted. In a flash he and a host of other angels found themselves free falling from the place that was now once their home. God was hurt, very hurt. Maybe the pain was not as bad, after all, these dudes came about simply because he spoke and they appeared. So he had an ingenious plan.

"So God created human beings in his own image..." Genesis 1:27

God was in love! He knew they were going to be something special, but he probably didn't realize that they were going to be something special! He probably thought, "Did I really just do that? Boy, am I good!" Then it hit him that the form in front of him was not alive yet, so "he breathed the breath of life into the man's nostrils, and the man became a living person" Genesis 2:7

This time he thought, "I took my time to make them. They aren't just a spoken word. They are my time, the works of my hands, my imagination, my image, my breath, my everything, my perfection incarnated." God was in love! He began spending a lot of time with the humans. They would start a thought and he would finish it. And then they'd laugh at how weird that moment was. If you knew them, you knew him. If you knew him, you knew them.

The other beings looked up to this perfect couple. Wherever they'd go, they were the show-stoppers, the ones who made heads turn and wings flap louder. They began acting like each other, talking like each other, thinking like each other. There was nothing they couldn't do together. I'm sure at some point, the thought of ever being with anyone else infuriated both sides. An angel once commented to another:

"True love never fails; they've taught me that."

Once God had to go back up to heaven, something he usually did at the time, and the sadness in their faces made him spend the night. There was no way he could leave them. There was no way they wanted him to go. God couldn't of left and seen them this sad; he didn't want to hurt his Baby. So he stayed. They kicked it. And it was fun!

He knew exactly what to do to make them smile, to make them happy, to make them mad. He was convinced that he was the only person in the world that could make them the happiest, ever. And that no matter what, no matter when, no matter where, no one else would or could ever take his place...

God was in love, still...

THE BREAK UP

Then things started to change a little bit. I began noticing that she no longer wanted to spend time with me. She had just gotten hired, and all of a sudden, I fell into second place. It wasn't because of how demanding her job might of been, for as strange as it sounds, she became addicted to her job and the people there. Then, things started falling deeper and deeper, faster and faster. I no longer mattered. We began arguing over stupid things. Lies. Secrets. Deception. I no longer was able to hold her attention. Her attention was now being devoted to her new love... People started getting in the way. Things started getting in the way. The idea of being with someone else was no longer something to get angry about.

I love you's were empty. I miss you's were robotic. It didn't matter whether I stayed or left to play ball. Lies. Secrets. Deception. The cute names between couples ceased. Our relationship, our friendship, our togetherness, everything no longer mattered. I wonder if it ever did...

We used to believe no one else could ever take our place in each others lives; now someone else sits comfortably in my place. While my heart breaks, his heart lives. While I'm filled with pain, he's filled with happiness. While I cry, he laughs (and laughs at me, for sure). While for me there is no more chance, he is presented with endless possibilities.

I was in love, once...

Then things started changing between God and his Baby. They no longer felt as excited to see him when he came by. He no longer held their attention. God noticed something was on their mind, rather, someone else. It didn't matter whether he stayed the night or went back to wherever he came from.

I love you's were empty. I miss you's were robotic. Where once he was called Beautiful One, Almighty, Precious One, Light of the World, Beginning and End, Unfailing Love, King of kings, Alpha and Omega, The Great I AM, now he was simply God. All of a sudden, things started to fall deeper and deeper, faster and faster. Their relationship, their friendship, their togetherness, everything no longer mattered. He wonder if it ever did...

They had gotten addicted to something else. It started getting in the way. Something else had found the path to their hearts. He believed that nothing or no one could have taken his place. Now, someone else was sitting comfortably in his place.

I am sure God thought, "While my heart breaks, his heart lives. While I'm filled with pain, he's filled with happiness. While I cry, he laughs (and laughs at me, for sure). While for me there is no more chance, he is presented with endless possibilities."

God was in love, still...

THE QUESTIONS

What happened? What did I do wrong? Why did she all of a sudden stop loving me? Am I that bad? Why'd she throw me away like a filthy rag? Why don't I matter anymore? Did I ever..? Was my love not good enough? Did she ever even love me? How long has this been going on? Why didn't I notice it at first? Why is this happening to me? Don't I deserve to be loved too? Don't I deserve to have someone to love? We were about to take it to the next level... why now? Why like this? When did I become so worthless? When did I become so useless? Why has she given him a chance? I thought true love never failed! What he offered her that I wasn't able to give her? Why doesn't she give a damn about me? I thought she loved me... I thought we were always supposed to be together... Doesn't the thought of being with another one anger her anymore? Why she letting him laugh to my face? Why him? Why not me? Am I that unattractive? Was I too boring? Was I too close minded?

Don't I deserve to be loved, too?

Didn't I give them everything they ever wanted? Did I spend too little time with them? Didn't I matter to them? Did I ever..? What did I do wrong? When did I become so worthless? When did I become so useless? Why are they letting him laugh to my face? I thought they loved me... Was my love not good enough? Was it not strong enough? Was it not clear enough? How long had this been going on? Am I that unattractive? Doesn't the thought of another one anger them anymore? Why don't they give a damn about me? Why did they let him get in the way? We were about to take it to the next level... Was I too boring? Was I too demanding? I gave them everything they could possibly need and want..! Am I not worth their time too? Is it that hard to be in love with me? Don't my feelings matter?

Don't I deserve to be loved, too..?

THE TOMORROW

So now I walk around with nothing put pain in my heart. I see those with their significant other and I get saddened, because I have no one to love me in that way. It's a kind of pain that I wouldn't want anyone to experience, the kind of pain where the one you love so much simply doesn't love you back, anymore. She and I were about to get married this coming April. I placed the ring on her finger, got her parent's blessings and permission. Now the ring sits in my room in its box. Her wedding dress was already bought. Now it just hangs somewhere. We even had the name of our children picked out... pathetic, I know. It hurts. God, it hurts!

To see her willing to give someone else a chance... She rather starts all over again, learning how to love again, while someone who already loves her is standing right in front of her, and it doesn't matter. It's a different feeling when you know for sure that you don't matter to the one who matters to you...

That's what I walk around with. I don't smile. I don't laugh. I don't sleep. Whether day or night, this pain is my only companion. I'm trying so hard to move on. I have friends and trusted people telling me sound advice, praying for me. But it hurts. She was supposed to be my wife... (I'm sorry, tears came down my eyes)

"He was despised and rejected - a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care." Isaiah 53:3

THE MYSTERY

"Yet it was our weakness he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins!

"But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed... He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word... Unjustly condemned he was led away. No one cared that he died without descendants, that his life was cut short in midstream... He had done no wrong and never deceived anyone. But he was buried like a criminal..." Isaiah 53:4-9

"For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son..." John 3:16

Why does God love me so much that he is willing to do whatever...? I don't know. But I can understand a little bit of it now that I am in a similar place, and would be willing to do almost whatever myself. I've had those who know more about my pain ask me, "Would you take her back?" With all the pain this has caused me, my honest answer is "Yes, I'd take her back, still." God knows under what circumstances and the in and outs of my answer - you won't understand because you don't know.

Pathetic, I know. But I guess the angels can say the same thing about God - I'm sure they don't...

"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or the earth below - indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38,39.

I guess that's why it's a mystery, God's love is.

"The Love of God" by MercyMe