Fo'Chisel

Last night 8 o'clock hit and I did nothing. So what, - you may be asking - , what's the big deal? The deal is that I left God hanging. I left him hanging because I was (and still am) very frustrated with myself. I've been asking God to teach me how to let go of certain things in my life. I've been asking him to teach me how to make my bed in him. I've been asking God to take control. Yet, I cannot seem to let him do what he has to do - in me.

And it's frustrating the heck out of me! Right now, in a way, I'm leaving him hanging again... I really just want to be able to, even for just one second, stop feeling. My mind is like a whirlwind. My thoughts cannot stop racing through my head. I want to trust in him - but I want to retain control. I want to 'let go and let God' but I want to play the role of God.

Ever since I took the decision of becoming a youth pastor, I have been getting my boat rocked! I have become a walking punching bag. I figure that it's God doing his thing, you know? Everyone I speak to has said the same thing: gold is purified through fire. Well, I've been getting roasted, ever so slowly, through this fire.

...and let me be honest in saying that I want to quit before I even start...

But I cannot. I must not. I will not. God wants to do something special with me.

Who am I not to allow the Maestro from performing with his instrument, if I am the instrument? So this is where my frustration and my internal war stem from...

[please, I beg you few who follow this blog, please, do not stop praying for me...]


Watch this video - several times if you have to - then read on.
Enjoy & be blessed

I want God to chisel away. I need God to chisel away... for his sake

At this point in my life, with everything that's been happening around me, I am just like that guy. Why does God want to use me? Why can't he pick someone else? Why is so persistent? Why does he not want to leave me alone? Why does he want to use me?

Why do I want him to use me? Why am I not running away? Why do I want him to persist? Why am I asking him to chisel away? Why do I want him to chisel away? Why do I need him to chisel away..?

You have no idea how frustrating this is and how frustrated I am. . . .

but like I said, who am I to prevent the Maestro from performing with his instrument if I am the instrument...?

Enjoy this video. This is what I need to allow God to do to me.

The song title is "Paint Your Picture" by Julie Meyer